Leaving la Vida Loca

Day 1. Past time, Xyz

After they hit the bottom floor of an apartment building in the city of Fluffington, sisters went straight downtown, trying to catch some pigeons for breakfast.

Salsa slammed a dead one against the traffic pole, threw it on the table, and sat next to Merango.

They took a break on the terrace in a dusty cafe at central Shitty Plaza. The big brutalist statue was leaking some fungus infected slime. Merango slid her hand over the table removing guts and intestines to make room for the coffee. She put her hands behind the neck, toothpick in her mouth, legs on the table, snarling into the distance.

'Who the fuck does she think she is?'

Salsa broke off the birds’ leg and ripped the skin apart, using her nails, she licked the insides like an ice cream.

'The attitude... Dude, she can't, like, just barge in, we lived in that spot for thousands of years.' Merango spat out hissing.

'Ye' Salsa backs her up with a lethargic howl.

'And like for what, for what did she kick us out for? For a bloody piece of furniture. I tell you that lil bitch values fucking interior design over her blood brothers.'

'Sisters.'

'Yeah, whatever. Literally. So disrespectful.'

Merango was cursed by the lisp, the table in front of her was wet from the spitting rage.

'We gotta get our flat back Salsa.’

‘Yaa’

‘Ok, let’s ask around, some critters might know a guy that knows a guy if you know what I mean.’

The city is always clouded, dark, moist, smells bad and besides few sketchy humanoids that operate on the ground levels, there is nothing to see or feel but the presence of endless amounts of garbage. Air temperature is perfect for creatures that have thin veiny skin and plate-sized eyes, also random reptilians love it, biped fungi people.

Fluffington's architecture was dating back to the era of capitalism. Shopping malls, central parks with ugly fountains in a strict grid protected by procedural skyscrapers, real abundance of distaste.

“Last time someone tried to make something dope they off’d em”

Merango ranted rocking back and forth on the chair.

“Our apartment is classy tho. Neo Biedermeier full on sassy,

Rare chandeliers, Taxidermy sofa “

“Lecken und Geschmecken” Salsa added.

“I want it back Slasa.”

She gazed angry at the closed storefronts, between the narrow alleys surrounding the Plaza. Merango was really proud of the work she did for the city’s “look”. She spent years destroying every commercial Ad insight using fireblaster, giving the town a charcoal shade, as it was burned down. The rest of the mutants inhabited the underground sewage system. Capitalism was long forgotten in the city of Fluffington.


As sisters chilled on the terrace, enjoying their dead pigeon breakfast, a wild nutria appeared and snatched the corpse.

"Fuck you!"

Merango yelled out while Salsa pulled out a handgun and shot the beast. Nutria twitched for a bit then bleed out. Suns where on the horizon, a blue one was setting and a red one was rising.

Suddenly a loud growl broke the peaceful moment. It echoed through the city, followed by an explosion. Seconds after, they saw two large dragons fighting mid-air between skyscrapers. One of them burned a building down. Rats evacuated the area.

"Fuck my life"

Merango almost fell out of the chair.

“Bloody dragon?!”

"Gotta run" Salsa pulled her by the sleeve.

They escaped towards the back alley, ran through the wall gap, bumping into the cheerful mushroom guy.

"Yooo what’s up sisters?" the Shroom approached them enthusiastically, holding his hand up for no.5. Salsa swiftly covered his mouth "Dude there are dragons in the city" Merango whispered, ''hush-hush" pulling him deeper into the alley.

"Wait, Merango, is this your homie? We know this dude?"

"Yeee, ‘member Shroomboy,” they navigated him around the oil puddle “we played Napalm mix b2b at Salem's house party”. Shroomer tried to comment but Salsa choked him harder. His neck was a thick black stem turning into an oversized red cap, gorgeous sparkles in the slanted dark eyes. Visibly freaked out, he surrendered.

One of the dragons landed facing back, right above them, farting a huge amount of sulphur straight into the alley. The group's eyes went red while crawling against the wall. They managed to open a nearby manhole and sink in. Salsa finally stopped choking the poor Shroomer, he barely came to breath: "What is this Schwestern nonsense operation you got me into?"

“Dude, the dragon, did you see it? It’s a fucking dragon.”

Shroomer squated, sponging in the situation: “Yeah.. Ye. Dragons. True true… Eh, sorry guys, I’m fried af. You got me by surprise.”

“What were you up to?” Sisters spoke in rhythmic union

“Was just getting more spores from the garden, haven’t seen you two in ages so I thought why not, say hi, grab some drinks.” He signaled them to follow him, “Did you get those dragons here? Where did they come from?”

“I don’t know dude, they just appeared,” , “Ye, out of nowhere” , “We got kicked out by Jessica” ,“Ye we’re homeless now”, “We were just chillin, thinking what next, than this bloody dragons rampaged” “Ye and zombie rat ate r’ breakf”

“Nutrias are truly getting aggressive” Shroomer added, “They wanted to eat me last time I went out”

Salsa winked,“Cuz you look delicious”.

“Mates, this town is going to shit.” Mernago rolled her eyes as they passed by an abhorrent nest of enlarged spider eggs. An alligator speedboated by them, saying hello to the Shroomboy.

"You really think so?"

“I’m over it to be honest.”

“You can totally crash at ours until the dragons leave, Salem loves you guys, it’ll be fun”

"Tanx Shrooms, but I don’t think they’ll leave us just like that,”

“Ye-he, I bet they wanna have babies here" Salsa proclaimed, laughing nasally.

"True, you has a good point. You know that she’d been studying biology" Merango tapped Salsa on the back,"Knowledgeable" Shroomer agreed adding "Let's kick it at Salem's place. Bet he has some ideas”,

"Sweet, it’s gonna be like in the old times."

The trio upped their enthusiasm descending into a more narrow part of the sewage. They walked along the green mold path all the way to the yellow wall, covered in elaborate typography, until they reached a vault door, marked with a symbol. Shroomer pushed the key and voiced a cheesy “Honey I’m home” towards the kitchen.

“Girls, get yourself comfy, I already texted Salem we’re coming”

Salsa and Merango sat down on a couch in a mustard colored living room, full of red wires and designer furniture,“Bauhaus Resurrected” aesthetics. A tall and slender rabbit figure, dressed fully in white latex techwear, stepped out of the kitchen bringing everyone cups of tea, followed by the overwhelming greeting:

“Hiiiiii girls, what’s up? Hai-hai angel! Long time no see, baby girl!” He hugged and kissed Salsa two times on the cheek, pierced ears twinkled with grace. Merango gave him a mafia boss hug and shoulder tap, exchanging a deep face to face emotion:

“Salem, it’s tough times up there, thanks for having us--”

“Hush girl, don’t stress about it, you know you can stay here anytime.”

“Much appreciated” Sisters nodded in unity.

"So, what the hell is happening outside?" the rabbit pricked up his ears and dragged a chair to the tea table. Salsa and Merango whinged the story out, once more:

"Jessica came out of nowhere. Kicked us out of our apartment."

"We were like, what the hell? Went to chill at the Shitty Plaza, you know, to make a plan.”

“Yé, than two dragons started fucking right in front of us."

"Ripped, like, half of the south side of the city".

"Did they have large penises?" Salem asked, pouring the tea.

"The hell we know"

"I dipped asap" Shroomer backed up Merango.

"Just a curiosity of mine." Selam materialized the RD chem stash from an emerald techbox with his long, performative, fingers, softly leaning back into the chair.

"Let's relax first, smoke, and brainstorm on the dragon issue later" he finished the sentence with a gracious hand twist, probably trying to get attention to he’s newly manicured red nails that went great with stone ruby piercings symmetrically aligned to his chakras.

Team kicked it hard and got really, really wasted. Salsa turned green, she sank into the couch: "Is this the fetal-weed compound?" Shroomer turned tiny "Yeah it's the shits, I grow it using fungal compost" he stood on top of Salsa's head dancing to the tape that played on an oval yellow speaker.

"I knew it" Merango crawled on the floor, cheek down, like a worm besides sofa, focusing on the patterns, “You dosed us dude”. Salem sat as a statue, deeply concentrated, in a pose therapist would take. Salsa bonded with Shroomer, she stood by, entertained by his spore collection. They observed it through microscopic lenses. Tiny spores looked incredibly cute.

A lot of time passed.

"Ojjjj, oj” Merango slapped the table as she woke up from the mostly sulfur yellow fetal-weed induced trip, her head was horizontally deformed.

“So, the dragons!"

Salem finally tilted his head, "The Dragons!” he voiced waiting for the brain to unwind, “Wait. Those are Careulian dragons, mutated from rathorse corpses, from the war of 1972.” Merango wiped her snoot with a sleeve, Salem gave her a silk handkerchief, “Means there is a weapon made to deal with them. Lets go ask the Multipersona what to do. They still have access to the Spiral network".

Everyone stood up and went through the hidden door, behind the kitchen sink, it was about a 13m deep dive into darkness. Air smelled like the cheapest cologne mixed with salami. Salsa puked on everyone, still intoxicated. Selam opened a fuzzy pink mirror tache, cleaned up his visage, then tapped on the interface with a long pinky nail: "Multi honey, hello! It's Salem speaking, I'm in the company of our darlings, Salsa and Merango, we carry some baddie news darling." The vault beeped, a massive bunker door moved out of the way revealing the interior of a circular UV lit room, packed till the roof with monitors.

Multipersona rolled in the robotic office chair, he was naked and fat, all of his heads were wearing the same headset. They spoke in perfect sync: "Dragons. We know. User8 told us about dragons on discord, before his building burned down. We suffer their loss."

Merango fistbumped Multi, holding nauseous Salsa in her other arm: "Bizzare twist of events. Bloody Dragons mate. Did you know Jessica was here?” Salsa twisted her head 180 degrees to finish Merangos sentence “Yée, she kicked us out of our flat she did, just this morning." Sisters delivered in their typical rhythm. Multipersona blushed slightly on the mention of:

"Jessica?”

“Ye Jessica”

“Jessica, the beautiful crown jewel of the Spiral Galaxy?"

Merango rolled her eyes ``The toxic bitch". Multipersona ignored the comment, introverting in their chair. Salem broke the crush-topic tension: "Darlings! Let's get to the point” clapping hands ``we - have - dragons - to - repel.". Salem always knew Multipersona had a thing for an untouchable Jessica. A triggering topic to her older sisters.

"Multi baby, open up the search bar, let's locate some weaponry." Salem was stretching his tall butcheeks in latex, shoving them into Merangos face. Mernago smoothly curved to the left, dropping Salsa on one for the gamer chairs, as she was the sourdough.

"Do your thing Salsa"

"Yé, let's ride Multy"

On the first sight of digital light Salsa's eyes sparkled, her face changed, she was healed by the light of the two dimensional pixel portal. Multi parked on the parallel desk, ready to enter the zone. Synchronized digital shamanistic performance started. Selam decorated Salsas' head with a crown of organic wires. Shroomer opened a curtain, revealing albino frogs in a PC tank. He distracted the amphibian by throwing in a dead fly. Using long silver tweezers, Merango collected a red bubble off the frogs back. Salsa spoke, wiggling her head, singing in autotune:

“Hello Computer! To enter - the Spiral network - pwease pwess pway.”

Merango put the red bubble on Salsa's tongue, she swallowed it.

“To glimmer with the ribbit - pwease pwess pway..”

Rest of the group left the computer room in search of some food. Soon they realized that all the rooms are computer rooms at Multipersonas dungeon. Merango checked the drawers revealing a really shitty instant noodle printer:

“This is what humanity left us with. Pathetic.”

Salem took over pinching her biceps with the chopstick “it’s how you serve it that matters,”

“You truly can thrive in every situation” Merango flirted back at him resting her hand dangerously close to his curvaceous hips. Shroomer, repelled by their flirtation went back to lurk from the corner at Salsa. She looked like half life, eyes wide open but not looking, salivating. Crown of wires proliferated into her nostrils. At some point she might have looked through him, an interesting creature, to be able to converse with the funghi, he thought.

Salsa took awhile to embody the froggyness. She hasn’t been riding as often as Multi. Spiral network is a hard thing to navigate as it doesn’t use manmade signals. Frog juice lights up collective consciousness, the fungal headgear wires the thoughts within the digital interface. Salsa closed her eyes diving back into the chair.

This tech was introduced to sisters by an immigrant amphibian, the Astro-Frog. He took shelter in Fluffington, a few dozen dog-years ago, after escaping a really bad interplanetary business deal. Salsa looked up to him as her Sensei. Around that time Merango introduced Multipersona to the group. He emerged from the industrial-gothic part of the sewage, telling them tales about “the internet”. Together they developed wireless connection to the Frogs native, Spiral Network, by using fossilized remains of Human technology.

Salsas' warm memories of Frog crystallized her flow. She asked the universe for a detailed map of the world, and it was delivered. Much like a dream, “information disappears swiftly after it materializes on the screen.”. Multi uploaded all the data Salsa sent them onto consoles. The project was set.

“Are you hungry guys?”

Multi and Salsa were caught loading a video game. Shroomer took them by force rolling them on their chairs into the kitchen “You guys have to eat, Salem set up a beautiful table, look at it, mood light, flowers, napkins…”.

“And truly transformed the kitchen it was! '' Multi commented. “Now it smells like boiled rice”, remnants of the Multis hikikomori lifestyle were resting in the trash bags. Salem sat at the head of the table, smooth talking Merango, under the candlelight.

“Cheesy” Salsa smudged

“It's called romantic Salsa.” Salem delivered sipping the sewage champagne “romance is important,” he pointed at her, “And friendship is romantic,” Shroomer added, serving a big chunk of noodles to Multi.

“To friends,” Salsa said, ka-ching-ing her glass with the rest of the table.

“Y’all are dedicated to the underground?” Merango opened up the topic.

“Wouldn't you be?” Salem said, “We saw what’s happening on the surface. Don’t be fooled by the dragons, they are the least of our problems.”. Selam gestured a circle with his hands, “looking at a big picture.”  but he actually looked at Merango “we don’t have much choice. Just stay here, with us. We’ll keep each other safe,”. Merango didn’t want to hear about it: “No, I’ll fix the situation. I promise.”

“Yeah, two of you?” Selam pointed the chopsticks at Salsa who didn't really pay any attention to the conversation, she was eating and drooling over a gaming console.

“Merango is right. It is Schwesterns fault. They should deal with it.” Multi’s head spoke. Merango stood up, she waved around with both hands like a gangster “You see? It’s true. It is our fault, it’s our operation and we’ll run it. Straight up - Schwestern style.”

Selam graciously put his long pink nails, each one carefully embedded with crystals, over his forehead.
“As you wish. But do one thing at the time, please.”

“But - We found - the thing.” Salsa suddenly chewed out the sentence, mouthful of noodles,“I scanned it, on D map” she pointed at the console, leaving chilly sauce all over it, “it’s in the wasteland.”

Multi brought the map up on the projection and deciphered Salsa using a powerpoint presentation: “There is a spot that used to sell military grade dragon repellers, it got lost in the system after the second wave of apocalypse. Coordinates we got from Spiral Network lead north. Deep inside the toxic wasteland. They keep moving very slowly, if Sisters move fast they can get lucky and catch up with whoever took the repelles.”  Merango stood up, proudly smacked Salsa on the back and forecasted: “Simple ain't it? We'll just find a ride, pick that shit up around this spot n’ come back. I say we put those dragons back where they came from!”. Salem exhaled loudly, “I’m so, like, convinced that a device from the SECOND world apocalypse would still be all like working and shit...” he stood up and marched into the bedroom, dramatizing how much he’s offended.

Food made everyone sleepy. They spontaneously nested in Multis bed, leaving him the gamer chair. Merango and Selam slept like two mummified sticks. Salsa was rocking inside the chandelier. Room was dark and cosy. Each wall is covered in old empty open closets, beds full of anime pillows and broken tapes. Shroomboy happily snored, until Salem twitched his leg and woke him up. Squinting half awake, he felt an intense vibration, followed by a crack and loud crash. He jumped off the bed and hid below the metal vault. Salsa fell down from the ceiling, followed by the brick and chandelier.

“Earthquake!”

“Guys…”

“The fuck was that now?”

Multi came rolling, Merango grabbed him: “ I think we should scout what's up on the surface.” . Vibration stopped, everyone looked up, woke and traumatized.

Selam signaled them to follow. Entering the Multis bathroom, he navigated the digital thermal sink settings in arabic; twisted the showerhead, making wall tiles fold into each other, revealing a rusty elevator. He then told Shroomboy: “You get them out there, and come back as quickly as possible.”

“No problem”

“Merango, Salsa, be careful.”

“Do you guys have any guns left?” Merango tried, Multi shrugged looking around for some weaponry, “Nothing useful nearby, but...”. They took off their industry-goth brass knucks and gave them to Merango.

“Atta work”

“Wait, there is more”

Multi took the chain necklace off their thick neck and gave it to Salsa. They equipped her with a set of chrome capsule keys and a tiny square console.

“This is for the navigation.”

Trio got into the elevator as ground vibrated, Salem hugged Merango whispering into her ear: “If you come back dying to me again, I’ll literally kill u.”

“And you, don’t let the sky crash on your head, beauty.”

They exchanged a soft kiss as Shroomboy closed the elevator. It went up, stripped to the industrial basics, the rusty cage didn’t even have the back wall. Speed increased the intolerable noise of metal brushing against more metal, ember flying around made it look like an evil rollercoaster. Reaching the surface it slowed down.

The Red Sun was rising once again. Fossilized skyscraper leaned out of the muddy hill, looking at the city. Elevator creaked to the top, lack of the back wall proved as a useful sightseeing perk and a curse. Merango swallowed a chunk of her bravery looking at the epic blood freezing scene in front of her eyes. Salsa and Shroomer grabbed her by the waist, straining their muscles, as if their entire body hoped that it would somehow stop the sound of the squeaking elevator.

“I’m way too killable for this.” Shroomboy whispered.

The sea of Cerulean reptiles, nuzzled around the buildings, scintillated all over the cityscape. Dragons were sleeping, nested and cuddled against each other, like lab rats. Merango grabbed her camera and took a panorama shot, Salsa carefully photobombed the picture, smiling with thumbs up. Shroomboy cried, with his mouth closed. Elevator finally reached the top floor, finalizing the trip with a happy bell jingle. Fortunately for the trio, the sound was not loud enough to wake up any of the five thousand dragons, but loud enough to induce anxiety.

Top of the skyscraper was built to resemble an atomic nucleus cage. Back in the Earth days it used to serve as an observatory, equipped with all kinds of rusty tourist traps and exciting scientific models. Shroomer and Salsa carefully balanced over the broken ledge. Merango passed by the miniature Milky Way mockup, triggered by it, she picked out a few iron planets placing them in the pocket.

The Observatory gave an overview of Fluffington, spreading south until the harbor. Human scientific progression also brought geological engineering that resulted in strange, layered landscapes. On the south edge of the city, neon infected slime waste formed into two hills, separated by streams of sludge.

Merango looked through the monocular trying to get a close up of the dragon, but the lens was badly aimed, and she couldn’t adjust it. Tweaking the apparatus she noticed something near the estuary. Fluffingtons proximity sported an amazing crimson river of blood, it spilled it’s sludge into the harbor far south.

“Salsa.”

“What?”

“Come here.”

Merango pushed her eyeball deep into the monocular. The fish eye lens framed a single black carriage that harnessed two hippo sized fetuses, dragging painfully down the river. Enlarged embryo heads shimmered on a red sun floating in Steamboat Willie 20’s psychotic synchronicity. Carriage in a more ominous looking shape of a wild boar's head and tinted windows, slit through the acid stream, emitting a merry melody that almost induced ulcers in Merangos stomach.

“...The Chicken

Frying in the pan,

The watermelon

Sitting on the chair…”

“Dude”

“What?” Salsa took over the monocular. Familiarized with the image she shivered to the tips of her toes.

“Is that…”

Marengo nodded kinda sour.

“Our Mom…”

They looked at each other in dread and horror.

“Might not be her, might just be someone from the inquisition.” Salsa kept it optimistic.

“What is it now?” Shroomer was kinda confused.

Marengo turned to him: “Nothing special. On top of these dragons destiny is not looking kind towards us… But yeah, actually what I was meaning to ask is, before we go, do you know any good interior designers around here?”

Shroomer lifted up his shroom hat giving it a thought: “You know only few ppl live here and everyone is as useless as u two are.” Salsa stopped Merango from verbal explosion by holding her shirt with one of her extra arms. Shroomer gratefully proceeds: “Why didn’t you ask Selam about it?” Merango seemed bit off, she just waved at him. What she actually did was just her typical distraction to any topic she deemed undiscussable. Shroomer, unsuspected kept his ground:

“More pressing issue at hand is the dragons, they are for sure gonna destroy the exterior before you even manage to get an interior designer. Secondly, you are currently in denial, of the urgency, of the situation we are in.”

Marengo lifted her eyebrows “Daumn rite Shroomz, I am truly losing it”. As she finished the sentence a building crashed in the distance, accompanied by the ear wrecking dragon squeak. Shroomer and girls ghosted behind the hill at full tilt. “Shrooms, have you ever shot a dragon?” Salsa was sparky.

“No, but I’ve seen the documentary.” Shroomer pointed them north, “Here is as far as I go, if you go straight through this passage you will reach the wasteland.”

Salsa was hyped  “Let’s shoot some dirty dragons already” but then she came to a late conclusion, “Ojjj, wait. Does this mean we have to leave the city?”

“Of course we do Salsa, we’re all gonna die here if we don't. Here, let me draw you a map, just for the first half of the trip, rest of it you can rely on Multi’s console.”

Shroomer was incredibly slow. Merango stretched out her face so one could see her purple fleshy eyeball meat. In the background dragons were still roaring and devouring flocks of pigeons. Wave of zombie nutria fled the area, going straight towards sisters. Clouds gathered around the seaside, creating an electric sandstorm. Merango was itchy to leave:

“The fuck you’re drawing for, just pin me the location on the phone r u mad bro” Merango nervously flipped out on the poor Shroomer, “Ok, ok I’m just tryna help. You know that there is no signal in the toxic wasteland?”

Rain started pouring into the ally, pushing the cockroaches out of the holes. Merango was officially over it:

“Fu#k the fr=Kn’ fu#*kington with it’s dragon sh1t storm, bloody f4k1n rats on the bastard pool of s11t chicken cockroaches, Salsa we’re out. I’m not taking this $hit anymore. We’re leaving.” using all the gesticulations.

“Yeah I’m not taking this too well either.” Shroomer said and went down the drain “Remember, DM me or Multi, before you launch the repellers” he closed the manhole, you could only see his eyes bling “Safe quest Schwestern! Future of Fluffington is in your arms” he disappeared.

Salsa stretched her appendage “I’m ready when you are”

Merango put her swimming goggles on. Rain still poured down the river of roaches around their feet.

“Let's ditch this centurion $hit-dorm baby”

They blasted in laughter, walking out of the city.

“We could really use a vehicle bro”

“Maybe we bump into one of those ice cream trucks”

‘Yeah, like, I haven’t walked since 79’’